You worried about your marriage?

You two have trouble talking about specific topics?

Stuff like…

Marriage is all about friendship. You can visit marriage counselors, marriage therapists, communication specialists, and read all the self-help books on Amazon.com but until you realize this one thing, it won’t matter. Whether you are on the verge of a divorce or you are a newlywed, this insight to your happiness is the same.

Effective communication is important. Listening skills are important. Having great sex is not. It doesn’t hurt, but it won’t bring you lasting happiness. This specific understanding will not make sense at first. It will take some getting use to and most folks don’t like the idea.

Let’s say your husband just doesn’t understand you. No matter what you do, he doesn’t listen. You read a self-help book on persuasion and nothing changes. You have a romantic evening and talk about how much it would mean to you if he would listen and understand how you feel. He agrees.

You enjoy the rest of the evening having illusions of grandeur with your Prince Charming always listening to your problems and understanding how you feel deep inside.

As gently as possible it’s time to wake up from the dream that will never happen under these circumstances. You are using manipulation and persuasion. This is your idea, not his. He wants to please you for obvious reasons on the one hand and because he REALLY wants to make you happy on the other hand.

Couples fight, not because they want to, but because they haven’t learned one important principle in relationships.

Do you understand that your partner can never say yes until he can say no? This is true in any relationship, not just marriage.

There is a lot to absorb there. In other words, until he has the ability without repercussions to say no, he can never really say yes. Without that safe space, your ability to change him doesn’t exist.

It is impossible.

Don’t worry; it’s possible to change, but not because you want him to. The secret to change is YOU change first without expectation on his part.

The most important principle in marriage is:

You change first without expectation your spouse will.

I’ve organized a series of short videos to give you a better understanding of how transformational coaching works and the principles on which this concept operates.

To learn more about Trust In Marriage and to access more videos, click here.