Sex vs. Physical Intimacy
The end purpose of marriage is not love! It starts with love, but it does not end with love. That is, a successful marriage. A marriage that flourishes is one filled with intimacy. The Latin word for intimacy is Intimus. It is the deepest form of affection. You are letting someone in you. For a woman it is physical and literal. For the man it is emotional and metaphorical.
A marriage may start on the foundation of love, but if criticism, constant blaming, anger, pornography, food disorders, or any number of stumbling blocks are permitted entrance into your marital space, intimacy is thwarted, and the key ingredient to intimacy is TRUST. Without trust there is no intimacy.
To a man, physical intimacy can become confused with love and love is often confused with lust. Hollywood may have coined the phrase to ‘make love.’ What they meant was to ‘make lust.’ Love is a sacred term and conducted within proper boundaries. When a husband views pornography and fantasizes during sex, he has rendered his wife an object. She is no longer the recipient of his love, she is the object of his lust.
No trust, no intimacy. He is addicted beyond his capacity to master and the marriage endures with a lot of pain and anxiety. To many, viewing pornography is a way of life. It’s normal and it doesn’t hurt anybody.
Even the god of Atheism, science, teaches that pornography and sex addiction destroy marriages, children, jobs, careers, families, and societies. Both Rome and Greece fell because, as a society, they sought pleasure and became addicted to the vices associated with the selfish desires of the flesh.
When a husband uses pornography as a way to satisfy his passion, he loses the ability to develop intimacy within his marriage. The addiction is actually a chemical imbalance within his body.
The brain, the body’s largest sex organ, has an internal pharmacy. When a man views pornography, the pharmacist (brain) produces increased levels of adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. The levels are beyond the normal balance, so the body builds up an immunity and the pharmacist reduces the production, thus dropping the resting level of the chemicals.
The spread between the normal balance of chemicals and the new balance after viewing pornography is painful, so the body craves equilibrium. The man, in pain, looks to alleviate the pain, so he acts out in a way to feel better. Since pornography is a world of fantasy, he can never get satisfaction, as such, the never-ending circle of addiction ruins the marriage.
Wives, who think that viewing pornography is ok, are deceiving themselves and enabling their husbands. There can never be happiness when sex addiction is part of marriage. Soon the husband wants the wife to view pornography with him as a way to increase physical intimacy.
He’s looking for satisfaction that doesn’t exist because he lives in a world of fantasy, and you, the wife, can never satisfy his fantasy. You will either live in a state of an Invisible Divorce, or he will eventually cheat. Pornography is a form of cheating.
All forms of addiction are vicious because they further the inability to trust, the most important ingredient to intimacy. Pornography may be the most vicious addiction known to man. If you or anyone you know are stuck in this situation, take action now and get some help. Call your ecclesiastical authority or a therapist. You can’t handle this one alone.
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I am a recovering ppaoogrrnhy addict so reading stories like this I feel can be beneficial as I can evaluate myself to see if I have similar tendencies. The desire to have your spouse be attractive I feel is a normal thing to desire for both partners, and it was when he started trying to change this woman to fit, the way he wanted her to look was where the problem came in! I can’t agree more with the last paragraph where there are so many people who can become addicted to ppaoogrrnhy as the chemical reactions in the brain are identical to many (if not all) drugs, drinking, and food addictions. (See Dr. Donald Hilton, Jr.’s book, He restoreth my soul ) The good thing is that our brains CAN and DO recover from all drug, sex, ppaoogrrnhy, and food addictions; but it takes time. Sometimes years of sobriety in order for the physical brain healing to occur. Any emotional damage, I believe, could also be recovered from, but that goes into the steps of grieving discipline. (of which I would recommend to both partners in the above story) I do not condone the actions of either partner in the story above. As I have begun to understand that it does take two to make or break a relationship; and that and a healthy dose of forgiveness, open-honest communication and being able to put their needs above our own. Bottom line get and take care of yourself, through counseling, FIRST, and become healthy with yourself before seeking to make a relationship with another work. If you are already in a relationship and you are not willing to start over at the moment, than definitely individual mixed with together counseling and a determination to stick through it come life or high water. There is hope for everyone and a man is never taller than when he is on his knees